An Ode to Aunt Judy and Her Love of Pepsi

you were my nutty Aunt Judy
always ready with a Pepsi
a just my size hero
with a Pepsi to drink
even when living in sub-zero

Motherfucker!!

I accidently came to work Monday. I am so stressed out and swamped in my grant writing that is due February 1st...not to mention trying to get ready for Wedded Bliss...that I came to work on MLK day. I walked into the office and all the lights were off and no one was here...except for one technician in the back with the boons. It totally sucked!!!! It didn't totally suck because I hate my work or because I didn't have tons of work to do...but because I could have slept in!!! The bliss that is turing off the alarm clock when you go to bed at night. That is the tragedy. Then after sleeping in I could have gone to work on my grant in my pajamas...at home. Motherfucker!!!

Funny!

Dear SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD:

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning....uphill...barefoot...BOTH ways Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. They have got it so easy! I mean, compared to our childhood, they live in a damn Utopia!

When we were kids we didn't have The Internets. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!! There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen and then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take, like, a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents! Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe! There were no MP3's or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone. Cause - that's how we rolled, dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!



Credit goes to Dr. P who sent this to me in an email.

No Kids Allowed!

Tito and I do not want our own children. I know this is really hard for people to believe and understand…but it is NOT sad.

First of all, we do not hate kids. We love our nephews Jacob and Hayden (and even Trent) and our niece Bailee very much. And…we very much enjoy their company and their art work and talking with them and sending them stuff and hearing about their lives etc. We enjoy spending time with friends who have children and have close relationships with them. But we do NOT want any of our own. There are many reasons for this…we feel like we have a hard time taking good care of ourselves and so adding an innocent child to the mix seems irresponsible. We are selfish and we like to spend our money on trips and gadgets and technology and art and adventures throughout the world. I love my job and while it is possible to be a good mother and a good scientist…it seems nearly impossible to be great at both. I don’t want to take care of kids for a living while Tito works. Tito doesn’t want to take care of kids for a living and I don’t want to come home to Tito taking care of kids. Call us selfish…we are. Oh, and I don’t know if anyone has noticed, but there are WAY too many fucking people on this planet and it is beginning to cause some serious problems that jeopardize our future (and certainly the future of the next generation). I don’t want to worry about what the future holds for my children…it is hard enough to worry about the future for the children we already love and care deeply about. We are the greenest people we know…we don’t have kids!

Anyhow…usually when strangers ask me about children I just say I don’t have any and let it go at that. It really isn’t anybody else’s business…my employer can’t legally ask me about it so why can random morons invade my privacy with such reckless abandon and want to know why we don’t have kids?

Besides...we have kids. Their names are Berry Pebbles, Buffy TVS, Spike, Fang, and Tater.